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A loving couple |
Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as
her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before I
go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house ... I spent it on a fling with your best friend
Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was the
one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."
"That's all right dearest; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I'm the one
who poisoned you."
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School Clock |
"I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock," said the principal to a new boy.
"No, Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at half past three." |
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Daydreaming |
"Fred!" the teacher shouted one day at the girl who had been daydreaming.
"If India has the world's second largest population, oranges are 50 cents for six, and it costs $3 for a day return to Austin, how old am I?"
"Thirty two," replied Fred.
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, my brother's sixteen and he's half mad!"
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Driving Lesson |
On Fred's 17th birthday, his Dad said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson.
As they got in the car, the father said, "Just one thing, Fred. If you're going to hit anything, make sure it's cheap."
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King Kong |
Two policemen in New York were watching King Kong climb up the Empire State Building.
One said to the other, "What do you think he's doing?"
"It's obvious," replied his colleague. "He wants to catch a plane. |
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I is |
Teacher: Frd, give me a sentence starting with "I."
Fred: I is . . .
Teacher: No, Fred. You must always say "I am."
Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
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Good and Bad news |
Good news - two boys went out one day climbing trees.
Bad news - one of them fell out.
Good news - there was a hammock beneath him.
Bad news - there was a rake beside the hammock.
Good news - he missed the rake.
Bad news - he missed the hammock, too.
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Married partners |
In some countries," said the geography teacher, "men are allowed more than one wife. That's called polygamy. In others, women are allowed more than one husband. That's called polyandry. In this country, men and women are allowed only one married partner.
Can anyone tell me what that's called?" "Monotony, sir!"
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